Sometimes when I write about homeschooling, people think what I’m saying is “School is terrible in every way. All school buildings should be burned down!”
Sometimes they think I’m saying, “Homeschoolers will take over the world! We are the chosen ones!”
Sometimes it comes across as, “Every moment of my life as a homeschooler has been perfect.”
(I don’t want this to happen to all of them. Even though they’re creepy. Source.)
I am not saying any of these things. I don’t want to burn anything down. Even having lit decorative candles around the house makes me kind of nervous. Which is unfortunate, because I have somehow ended up with a lot of decorative candles.
I think it’s like breastfeeding, a little. You know, when a woman is breastfeeding, people often think it’s this big political statement. And there are all these articles in which women are yelling at other women, saying stuff about how all women who breastfeed are out-of-control hippie liberal harpies, or all women who formula feed are ignorant, tragic lost souls. So that after a while, a woman can’t just give her baby a bottle or a nipple without it being this giant declaration of allegiance to one of two bristling, battle-ready camps.
In other words, the action is already political, whether or not the individual’s motivations are.
“I wanted you to be able to spend time with your brothers,” my mother told me recently, explaining why she made the decision to homeschool in the first place. “I didn’t get to see my siblings enough. I missed out on something important.”
The funny thing is, I’d never really known that. I made up explanations to recite to people when they asked the gaping, constant question, “But why?” My favorite was this: “After studying child psychology extensively, my mother realized that she didn’t want to expose her children to the things that were hurting so many kids: peer pressure and academic testing. She wanted us to be able to learn at our own paces, and rather than learning horizontally, from people exactly the same age as us, she wanted us to be able to have a lot of different educational experiences, with many different mentors and teachers.” I liked to say this because people always assumed that being homeschooled meant spending a lot of time in your room, with textbooks. Saying, “many different mentors” made people think. Or at least confused them. And it wasn’t totally untrue. That was part of it, too.
“I wanted to be with you,” said Mom. “I liked being with you, and I didn’t want to stop.”
So there it is. The reason at the heart of this radical educational decision that shaped my entire life.
And of course I have plenty of thoughts about the school system. And of course they aren’t all positive. A lot of them aren’t. But then, plenty of people seem to agree with me, even when they didn’t grow up without school. Every American President tries his hand at some kind of education reform. D.C. public schools’ chancellors appear, ephemeral, and vanish again—like moths frantically pumping around a flame before finally hurling themselves into it. Clearly, there’s a lot of work to do. And clearly, we’re not sure how to do it.
But I’m not here to say that homeschooling is the perfect solution. There is no perfect solution. There are only suggestions—some better than others.
When I talk about homeschooling, I’m talking about my personal story. My life. And how this story fits into a larger tale about education and America. It’s a relevant story, and not just because I’m—well– me and therefore think everything about my life is relevant. It’s relevant because more people are choosing to homeschool for secular reasons, and there aren’t too many examples of what that might look like, at the end of the process. When college pops up. And after college, when the rest of your life explodes on you, out of nowhere.
It’s really important to emphasize that homeschooling is never the diametric opposite of going to school. It’s too variable. People and families are too different. But the experience of not going to school in a world where the huge majority of people have either gone or are going is one that can’t help but make us at least a little alike. And the experience of feeling weird, unusual, and misunderstood is universally human. So when I talk about that, I’m pretty sure everyone can understand.
So there you have it. I’m not talking about founding a back-to-the-earth movement in the Amazonian basin. I grew up in central Jersey. I am talking about being a pioneer, though (Pioneer Woman, you might want to get in on this blog). I’m not talking about how I’m perfect, I’m just talking about how I am. I’m not talking about why things should be a certain way, I’m just talking about how things are already complicated, and the life already has more options than people tend to expect. And some of the most basic things in our society are things that some of us have done without, which is definitely worth a conversation.
(Or we could all go here. source)
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Wild fun list: Potluck. Invite like three people over, and ask them each to bring their favorite food. I don’t like having more than three or four people over at a time. I start to feel like I’m in a big group, and my homeschooler instincts kick in. That was a joke. Sort of.
[…] New post on un-schooled, with some similar themes to this one. Yes! Official second day of running two blogs, and I am […]
Kate –
My HS Physics Teacher son sent me a link to your new blog. I just must say, I LOVE IT! I will share it will all of my ‘Home Schooling Mom’ friends. Yes, I am a home schooling mom and no, I did not school the one who is the HS teacher. But I am schooling the two younger ones. And I have to agree with you own mother, the best reason of all is to be together. The nine years we have been at it have been such an adventure and I would not trade the experience for anything; well, perhaps something, but not very many things. Maybe I should say it this way, I love schooling my children, just some days more than others!
Keep the blog coming. I admire your dedication to entries.
Thank you! I appreciate the support. I like your honesty. Every day can’t be perfect, but then, I don’t think anyone should expect life to be anything consistently. It’s probably better to make decisions based on what seems more enjoyable and fulfilling in general.
I can’t resist, although I know I’ve now said it too many times: “No matter how unpolitical you were, the decision to have a child is a political act” – Me 🙂
I love what you say here, because it’s so down to earth, and I admire how well you say it.
Feel free to quote yourself here as much as you’d like!
That is also the reason my mother homeschooled my siblings and I :)Not because she hated schools, but that she wanted to spend as much time with us as possible.
Thanks for telling me. We should start a club 🙂
Love your site man keep up the good work
as your loyal and loving admirer, I can only say at the beginning I was concerned about the homeschooling concept, that soon disappeared when we saw how wonderful it was and how well all of you were doing. Now as the old saying goes, and being old I can attest to that, “the proof is in the pudding” and wow, that is delicious pudding. So enough said, continue with your wonderful achievements.
Now this was a really good post. I’ve often thought about this but you seem to have a knack for putting it all into words. Good work!
I think you’ve got a real knack for writing. I wish you continued success in your endeavors.
Cannot get enough of this web site. Keep up the nice job
Considered invoking article for certain
nice y0u hit it on the dot will submit to twitter
I agree with your thoughts here and I really love your blog! I’ve bookmarked it so that I can come back & read more in the future.
Hey, I just hopped over to your site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would normally read, but I liked your thoughts none the less. Thanks for making something worth reading.
Awesome post! Thanks for the insights and clarifications. All the best to you.
I’m very excited about your following post. Thanks again for creating such high quality content.
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How’s the job hunt for everyone going? my husband has been out of work for 6 months and no hope in sight 🙁
I sent my previously homeschooled 6-year-old to a Sudbury model school for awhile, because he seemed to need more social outlets and I am kind of antisocial (and I wasn’t even homeschooled, ha!). It was a tough decision to send him off, and the longer he was there the more I realized how important the “I want our family to be together” aspect of my decision to homeschool was for us. I missed him, and so did his brother, and he missed us. Glad to have him back home, and to hear that I’m not just a nutty mom who needs to get over herself and cut the apron strings (or if I am, I’m not alone!). Love your blogs.
REALLY enjoying your writing. Recently pulled son out of public school for 2nd grade. Homeschooling now and always encouraged by people who thrived in a homeschooling environment. Bookmarked both blogs today -thanks!
I enjoyed this post. 🙂 I’m homeschooling my two little kids and I have a secret hope that someday my kids will say many of the things you wrote above. I’m not trying to rebel or change the world by homeschooling my kids. I want my kids to have positive life experiences as children and homeschooling just feels like the best way to do that.